This Fat Kid

Over time, this blog has evolved into part weigh loss blog & “fat kid” cultural commentary. Being fat is a part of my identity and my worldview — I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn’t 50 or more pounds overweight — and thus it ends up that food issues, body image and “fat issues” are  an essential core of Mavenity.

So if this is now kind of a weight loss blog, I need an “about my fat/progress” page. Because who’s going to comb through all my old entries to hear my story?

Why I’m a fat kid

Some bristle at my liberal use of the term “fat kid,” “fat girl,” or “fat chick.” I believe that we give words power, and can take ownership of generally pejorative words as a means of disarming their negative meaning. I am not a fat apologist or part of the fat acceptance movement, but I don’t think that being fat means you are bad, lazy, gross, unloveable or invisible. I adopted this moniker from my friend Emily, who started referring to herself as a fat kid in college. To us, it means we acknowledge our inner fat kid: growing up a literal fat kid, you see the world and develop self-esteem (and hang-ups) differently from those without weight issues. Even if I get “skinny,” I will always be a fat kid. Picked last for dodge ball.

My fat story

Fat has been a part of my life for as long I can remember. My mother was an overweight child, teen and young adult who lost her weight in her mid-20s. Acting in my best interest, as soon as I started putting on weight at the onset of puberty (circa 8-years-old), I was put on my first “diet.” I felt guilty and bad about eating. I snuck food. I went to friends’ houses because I know their parents had junk food. The message my whole young life was that I was in for a world of pain if I remained fat — especially when it came to dating. My mom was right, for what it’s worth, but the messaging gave me a really unrealistic idea of weight loss, and didn’t help me address my food issues and behaviors.

I weighed 125 lbs when I was 8. I went up to 145 at age 12. By age 14, I was approximately 180 pounds. I joined Weight Watchers, and over the course of a year lost 25 pounds, getting down to about 165-170. Freshman year of college, I gained 25 pounds, which began the cycle of yo-yo dieting — each year of college I gained 20-25 lbs, most of which I took off during the summer, only to put back on again. By my mid-20s, though, I was firmly sitting at about 200. I rejoined Weight Watchers, took off 10-15 pounds, but then slowly put it back on (whilst still attending Weight Watchers). In my last, stressful job where a floor-to-ceiling “snack closet” was present for my 12-15 hour work days during the summer, I put on a further 25-30 pounds.While attending a Weight Watchers at work meeting (which I blogged about).

I am now 60-80 pounds overweight, and am not ok with it. In October 2010, I moved to Los Angeles, the land of beautiful and fit people and decided it was time to make a permanent change. Despite my lack of success on the scale in recent years, steadily attending Weight Watchers meetings DID help me begin the process of working through my food issues. With many of my attitudes and triggers readjusted, I started my latest and final journey in January 2011, to combine fitness, healthy eating and a better mental outlook to reach success.

My stats:

  • female
  • 27
  • 5 foot 10
  • size 14-18 (depending on brand)
  • 230-ish pounds @ the start of my most recent Weight Watchers journey
  • goal weight = 160-180 lbs
  • program: Weight Watchers. It is the only program I’ve ever done, from age 14 to now.

Progress Report

  • Weight lost so far: 7.4lbs
  • Inches lost: 5 (2 @ waist; 1.5 @ thighs; 1 @ bust; .5 @ arms)

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